This morning I hurt my back. I've struggled with lower back pain on and off for years - at it's worse I can hardly move or pick up even the lightest object without excusiating pain and I resemble Quasimodo as my back seizes and inflames. Thankfully this doesn't happen too often and I've gotten pretty good at reading the signs that I need to take things easy before doing any real damage. Since having the boys I've hardly struggled with my back so when I woke up this morning feeling that familiar ache and sense of weakness before a sudden painful tweak I was pretty gutted and the prospect of being home alone with twin toddlers all day was looking pretty bleak.
But instead of retreating to bed and feeling sorry for myself {as would have been the case pre-baby days} I checked we had enough supplies for the day, sent Mr H off to work, dosed up on painkillers, got my heat pad out and got semi-comfortable on the sofa.
That was over 5 hours ago and 3 things have occurred to me since:
1) how generous people are with offers of condolence and help when you're a friend in need
2) how I've been forced to go cold turkey off chocolate and biscuits due to the fact we have nothing tasty in the house and leaving said house is not an option {this has been tough. Especially when feeling sorry for ones self}
3) how this has probably been the most connected I've felt with the boys for ages!
We're all busy and when juggling a family, working and keeping on top of house chores it's so easy to go through days and weeks on autopilot without really taking stock to connect with those around us. We work, we prepare meals, we do the housework and laundry, we go to our exercise class, we change nappies, we get ready in the morning whilst simultaneously answering emails and eating breakfast, we organise play dates and catch up with friends then rush back for lunch, we kiss our children goodnight when they're deep in the land of nod then get up and do it all again.
I've realised that I have such a strong fear of the boys not being 'entertained' that I pack our day with so much we hardly get the opportunity to just be. Today we didn't get dressed up, we didn't go to twins club, we didn't pop to the shops, we didn't do housework, we didn't have a complicated lunch then rush around picking up toys before nap time. Instead we cuddled, read books, watched twirlywoos {very educational}, we chatted {in toddler speak}, we got their gardening tools out to play with, we chilled. And it's been lovely!
The boys have been really good and patient - maybe they sensed mummy wasn't feeling good and took pity on me. I've not raised my voice once. Maybe they didn't feel the need to play up as they had my undivided attention. The house is a tip. My housewife radar is going crazy but I actually don't care. All that can wait. This must be what daddy daycare feels like {hahaha!}
I'm not saying we don't already do these things or that I'd want everyday to be like this but it's been quite releasing to ditch the to do list and have a total lazy day {something which used to be saved for hangovers!} The boys have gone down for a nap and I'm totally chilled {possibly due to the pain killers....!}. We've got fish fingers for tea which they will love and if we end up watching the Gruffalo 500 times before bed then so be it.
Everything else can wait until tomorrow.
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